Giving Kids Wings

Today is the day parents across the country are dropping their children off to board a bus or plane to go off to summer camp. It’s usually harder on the moms than the kids. This is the first year my 7-year old twins, Max and Kate are going to sleep away camp. So at 7:15 this morning we pulled in to a parking lot lined with large charter buses. On one side of the lot four buses stood ready for the young boys making this annual pilgrimage from Westchester NY to Southern Maine to spend the summer at Camp Takajo (traditional camps last 7 weeks). On the other side of the lot were the buses taking the girls off for a summer at Tripp Lake Camp. (Although my husband has owned both these Maine summer camps for kids for years, I had never experienced this event).

There were some tears and some reluctance to separate from moms, dads, siblings and in a few cases even the family dog. However my twins having grown up the camp atmosphere were quite nonchalant about the whole thing.

My older daughters Sarah 22 and Lindsay 27 had come home from New York City to "be there for this monumental event in Kate and Max's life." We all ran back and forth across the massive parking lot from the girls buses to the boys buses to comfort Kate and Max. I was at Max's bus when Kate's bus began to load. My daughter Lindsay said to her. "Do you want to get on with the other girls or wait for mom?" Kate smiled at her and said "I want to get on with my new friends, tell mom I love her!"

...OK so should I be sad that she did that so easily? Or happy that she is so self-confident and that I helped to make her feel that way? As parents, it feels like our job is to constantly hug and protect them. However it is equally important to give them wings and to "let them go."

So off they went, both smiling, waving and blowing kisses. Big sisters wiped a tear and drove back to New York City to go to work.

A few hours later I got the following email from big sis Sarah:

"I cannot believe that Kate and Max are on the bus right now! What do you think they're doing mom?? What are they talking about?? What if they're hungry? (They have packed lunches) What if they have to pee? (There's a bathroom on the bus). What if they get bus sick...oh man, I don't think I can ever have kids!"

I can remember worrying about Sarah as she went off to camp at the same age. And now here she is sitting at her desk at work fretting over whether Kate and Max are feeling nervous. One of the blessings of having a second round of children later in life is that your older ones get the opportunity to learn how fascinating it is to see a child develop. They learn about this capacity to care and also about the importance of letting children go so that they too can learn to be confident on their own.

I promise I'll wait a few more hours before I call to check on how they're doing.

If it looks like a duck!

Upon arriving at our home in Maine, my kids discovered that a mama duck was nestled in some bushes on our front lawn, keeping her eggs warm. All weekend it became the favorite attraction - checking on mama duck to see if any babies has hatched. I implored the kids keep their distance for fear the mom would abandon her eggs if they were disturbed or turn and bite the kids. We discussed what an important job it was to be a mom, making sure the duckling(s) were born safe and healthy. We wondered if this was the same duck who had often sat on our dock alongside another(presumably daddy duck) last summer.

When she was still there at the end of the 2nd day we all marveled. Wow! This was a tough job. You have to sit still - no meals, no snacks, no water! How did she do it?

Then on day 3 we were all frolicking in the lake - kids jumping with squeals from our dock when all of a sudden a duck dove in and came to the surface looking at us. Was this mama duck? Maybe she was taking leak, er I mean lake breaks. My curiosity couldn't take it. I ran around to the front of the house to see if the mama duck was off her nest. I am telling you, that duck in the lake knew what I was doing! She watched me as a ran by. Seriously! And sure enough mama duck was not on the nest. It was her! I knew it! I bent over to look to see how many eggs were in the nest. All of a sudden the duck flew over my head and landed a few feet in front of me, and stared me down. "Get away" said her glare - this is a tough enough job, don't make it an harder! I could relate and assured her in my sweetest voice that I hadn't touched her nest. I ran back to the dock to report in that it had been mama duck in the lake! I had perhaps cut her snack break short, but all was well. We are still waiting for the babies to be born.

I'll report in when the day arrives. For now lots of teachable moments in motherhood and parenting as well as patience and determination. I've also told my gaggle how the babies will continue to test mama ducks patience after they are born, oblivious that their mama sat for days/weeks protecting them fiercely till the big day.